This may sound unbelievable but it’s true. The SuperWeenee team spent an entire day with an actual unicorn farmer. We followed Eunestia Pottersmith owner of Sun Sprinkles Farms, through her day to see what it takes to become a caretaker to these fascinating creatures.
She’s been a unicorn farmer now for the past six years. She’s caretaker to 30 unicorns and a 15-acre farm. As we’ll see, It’s a far different world from your typical farm with cows and chickens.
So, Eunestia How do you start your day?
I usually begin the day with feeding. Unicorns have very specific diets. I fill buckets with their required nutrition of sugar and sprinkles: Cupcakes, brownies, cookies. Then I make sure their troughs are filled with adequate liquids. Their favorite drink is usually a citrus type of carbonated beverages like Mountain Dew or Mello Yello; they're also fond of energy drinks. I do this many times throughout the day. The only other chore I do all day long is clean up poop. I clean up a lot of poop. A. Lot. Of. Poop. Like, 95% of my job is cleaning up poop.
How did you become a Unicorn Farmer?
One day I was waiting for my bus when this short fella with long, pointy ears, walking with a long wooden staff sat down next to me. He said he was trying to give away a farm, but no one wanted it. You’re giving away a farm, I asked? Yes, and it’s completely free, he said, no strings attached. I’m giving away the land, the buildings and the animals. A free farm? How could you not take it? I thought I won the lottery.
Wow! You were just handed a free unicorn farm? That’s amazing.
That’s what I thought too when he handed me the keys and then he took off running. As he ran down the street, I thought I heard giddy laughing and the words, free, finally free.
How does your day progress with the care of the farm and the unicorns? Is there a lot of training with the unicorns?
Most of the day they hide a lot, or they're playing their unicorn games. The only times I see the unicorns are when they come by to eat and play their practical jokes on me. I frequently have a variety of practical joke signs taped to my back; I've also had giant garbage bags of flaming unicorn poop left on my doorstep. I commonly have unicorns do loud, long smelly farts around strangers and then blame me for them.
Interesting. Unicorns have a sense of humor?
No, they’re just mean. And they get especially mean after a long night of partying. I dread seeing rainbows. Whenever you see a rainbow it’s usually a sign for a unicorn party happening that night. The next morning I’m waking up and finding poop everywhere: on the house, on my Toyota Corolla. I don’t know what they eat at those parties, but it’s pretty disgusting. And if that's not all, I have to settle their gambling debts with the garden gnomes. And when those gnomes want their money, they don’t take any excuses. Do you know what’s it like to have garden gnomes trying to attack your ankles with their tiny gardening tools? It really hurts.
What’s the best part of your day?
Oh, I don’t know. It’s so hard to pick. Being humiliated, or constantly cleaning up poop? Or, maybe being chased by 2-foot-tall little guys who are looking for their money? Having my ankles being whacked with popsicle sticks with thumb tacks glued on them? It’s so hard to choose.
Do you have any future projects with the unicorns?
Right now, just looking for someone who would like a free farm. It's totally free. No strings attached. I'll leave the keys in the mailbox.
Are you looking for a career change in unicorn farming? Looks like a great opportunity just opened at the Sun Sprinkles Farm.
Need more stories on unicorns? Please check out the book, The Garden of Inverness. Available today.