Updated: Aug 30
Are you routinely attacked by bullies?
Have you developed swimmer's ear from the numerous swirlies in the school bathrooms?
Do you live in constant dread of the next beating by Devin the Deranged at lunch time?
Our bully experts have done extensive research and bring you their advice on how to combat the bully harassing you.
Hire actors to walk by and scream your name in terror and cower in fear of you when your bully is around. This method throws your bully off, it makes them think that maybe they have an actual fellowship with you, that you aren't a weak little nerd.
Dig deep into the bully's past. Find out their darkest secret, the stuff they would be horrified if ever made public. Is your bully still scared of the dark? Do they still sleep with their favorite teddy bear? Are they forced to put bunion medicine on their grandma's feet? Shame if news like that ever got around the school yard. But, be careful with this one. It could backfire and make the bully very angry and want to beat you into the ground.
Become extremely rich and successful, then plot an extravagant revenge. Start practicing an evil billionaire laugh to be ready when you spring the trap.
Watch online videos of defense tactics like this one:
If all else fails stock up on Wedg -B-Gon. Yes, Wedg-B-Gon. The nation's #1 wedgie scar remover ointment and proud sponsor of SuperWeenee. If any people knows more about being the victims of a bully, it's these people at this website.