As you may be aware by the social media posts, I have recently done time in the North Pole jail. After being found guilty of trying to bribe an elf to move my name to Santa's nice list I was taken into custody and booked into the North Pole jail. This is my experience behind those candy cane bars.
Inmates are first brought to a sad looking gingerbread house turned into a jail. The brown structure is bleak and dreary. The only candy decorating this house are the candy cane bars. There are no colorful gumdrops, or chocolate pieces or glossy lollipops or marshmallows.
Cocoa is served cold and ladled out into tin cups by our jailer elves. My bed is a gift sack for large gifts. As part of my jail duties I clean out the reindeer stalls. I am shackled by the ankles with thick curly ribbon and watched over by nutcrackers carrying long, wooden spears.
At night you hear other prisoners mournfully singing, 'Silent Night'. No one sings anything holly jolly here. The Warden, or Santa, walks by at night and looks at you behind your bars and shakes his head with shame.
Once released from our punishment we are handed a rolled parchment that reads, 'Banned forevermore from the nice list'.
Learn from me. There is no easy way onto Santa's nice list.
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